I deal with people like him a hundred times a day. They look at me and naturally assume I’m not as smart as they are. God help us. But think about it, it’s a tremendous tactical advantage, not to mention personally liberating, to haveothers think I’m a dummy.

It’s like what flight attendants tell you about the oxygen masks that plop down in an emergency: First you put yours on, and then you put it on the child next to you.” She.

There is pain in the body or the heart or the soul or the mind or all of the above. Body pain is obvious. Heart pain is the pain that comes from others, when they love you too much or not enough or the wrong way. Soul pain comes from feel your life is one big waste. Mind pain is what I can’t figure out. It’s like when you throw body, heart, and soul pain into a blender, then you add a cup of disgust at all that you are, at all that you’ve become, at all that you will ever be.

I think for a few moments. Sometimes I think that the reason I’m not ambitious and I don’t care about what my family cares about is that I’m lazy and... not all that smart. Dr. Desai gives me one of those get serious looks.

You say that as if pretending were a sin. We all do that kind of pretending to survive... Some pretending is necessary and even good. We can tolerate all the pretending we need to do if we have some islands of honesty in our lives. Places where we don’t lie to others. Most of all, places where we don’t lie to ourselves.

She doesn’t need to believe in God or even remember Him to do His work. Her belief is in her deeds, which is okay.

Can you hope for hope?

Be in the world but not of the world.′ The words are from Jesus. But I have not the slightest idea how to accomplish that or even if it’s possible. The world will always poke you in the chest with its index finger.

Doesn’t it always boil down to pain?

It’s hard to accept that depression is an illness, that moping around from day to day with no will for so many years is not my fault.